UI regulars spend lockdown productively instead of shitposting

This article references out of character events, just like all the sodding rest of them

The writers of the Unilaterally Independent have, in a shocking turn of events, decided to actually do some serious work during lockdown, instead of spouting the usual drivel hosted here.

Some writers inexplicably spent time automating their sports output, when that time could have been better spent automating their shitposts. Some continued as normal, but without the shitposts that had previously slightly damaged the reputation they’d built for themselves.

Other UI regulars recovered much more swiftly, King Michael has become a professor of his own nation’s University, having become an expert in making rude words out of Scrabble letters during the 18 month hiatus. The President of Floria gained a PhD in disappointment, having continued to follow his local ice hockey team throughout the curtailed season. Craitland saw an increase in ólbescból-related activity, although no points were actually scored, the padded defence zone was comfortable as a “working from home” area.

Not all micronationalists came out so well though, as Senya’s president was arrested for breaching lockdown regulations after being so desperate to watch football that he travelled unnecessarily to a friend’s house to watch them play the FMF video game. Mercury’s president was emaciated after his hometown ended its reign as City of Culture, resulting in all “good bacteria” leaving his body in search of pastures new.

Moderator hastily breaks up argument

A micronational forum moderator has acted swiftly to put a stop to a heated conversation from the previous month.

Despite the thread having seen no replies from either of the argumentative parties for a number of weeks, MicroForum moderator King Michael stepped in to order an end to the dispute, simultaneously reminding everyone of a thread which had otherwise been forgotten about.

The discord had initially arisen following the unsuccessful attempt to pen a new constitution for one of the forum’s frequenters, in which disagreement over the placement of an Oxford comma had led to rebellion, the resignation of a senior minister, and the eventual collapse of the nation in question.

In his moderating post, King Michael warned users of the problems of in-fighting within the delicately-balanced sector, which has been constantly declining since the mid-’80s through the continued addition of new members.

Unilaterally Independent joins calls to ban the Unilaterally Independent

The Unilaterally Independent has today announced that it intends to join the campaign to ban it. A spokesperson for the paper said “We’ve had it too good for too long. Making people laugh is far more rewarding than any of us idiots deserve, and besides, I was kinda hoping to have Christmas off work anyway.”

FACT CHECK: The Unilaterally Independent strenuously denies allowing its staff time off work over Christmas.

He continued “We are providing our full backing to Tweeter, and we already have a few ideas for strictly Micras-themed articles.”

Some Micras-related ideas – remember to remove editor notes before publication
– “Hatred of sport now active enough to claim area the size of Jingdao” – We can’t use this, references to claiming are OOC, think of another one
– “Micras to be sponsored by Red Bull” – Definitely not
– “Mercury renames national stadium “Arena” to remove references to real world” – Did you even read the memo?
– “Florian human rights record finally on par with Amazon” – Oh come on, you’re not even trying now
– “Monkey tennis?” – Maybe you do need Christmas off after all, and the new year, and the year after that, etc.

“Hmm, yeah, it doesn’t really leave us with much now, does it?”

Tweeter adds “disputed” notifications to twits referencing fourth wall

The Unilaterally Independent has closed down its Tweeter account, following a number of posts being tagged with a “disputed” notification. The platform has taken a stand following alleged misinformation about the number of walls surrounding the Micrasian plane, with the generally accepted consensus being three. The UI wholeheartedly stands behind its assertion of the existence of the fourth wall, and will continue to break it to bring you up-to-date cutting satire and shitposts.

Wikipedia template works first try on MicrasWiki

A complex template imported from Wikipedia to be used on exactly one MicrasWiki article has worked at the first time of asking without breaking any other part of the wiki. The template, used to add one row of infobox data to an article about farming subsidies, includes 387 lines of wiki code, and cross-references 24 other templates.

The template reportedly worked as intended, with the author not even having to ask anyone else for help, which unfortunately meant that the author was not told about the simpler solution of just typing “7” into the existing template.

King Michael removes photographs of parents from “state banqueting hall” due to “connections to slavery”

King Michael today announced that all photographs of his parents are to be removed from his “state banqueting hall”, or dining room, due to their supposed connections to slavery. The King was reportedly furious at being asked to wash up his glass after having a drink of milk.

The move comes just days after King Michael quoted that a “Black Lives Matter” demonstration in his nation had caused over $2 worth of damage, when the sandwich he had taken to the protests for lunch was accidentally knocked onto the floor. He has recently become vocal on these issues, with the leader of the nation, population 1, being quoted as saying “As the only non-black citizen of my great country, I feel an obligation to stand together in solidarity. Slavery was a scourge on our society, and as leader, I make it very clear that it will not be tolerated. For any black citizens that feel unsafe in America today, I offer them the opportunity to join my nation and fill one of our government roles.”

When asked whether the roles would be paid, King Michael replied “No.”

“Not fucking tectonics again” says everyone

Everyone has collectively said “oh no, not fucking tectonics again” after news emerged that North Antarctica was struck by a micrasquake this morning, following numerous failed attempts to compile a tectonic map of Micras resulted in everyone giving up on the idea that such a thing could exist. Many foreign reporters have claimed that maybe it was just a big tree falling down, or King Michael’s momma falling down the stairs, but local authorities have treated the reports with the utmost seriousness. A spokesperson said “we have to weigh up all the options here, it’s entirely possible that the ground just moved by itself with no underlying cause, or maybe it was a train going past, we can’t be certain”.

Secessionists apply for coronavirus furlough

King Michael today reassured his citizens, and the wider community, that his nation will survive the current COVID-19 pandemic thanks to what he has actively chosen to label “foreign aid”.

The King’s completely independent nation had been considered a potential victim of eviction from its landlord in recent weeks, but safety has now been guaranteed thanks to financial support from a government toward which neither Michael nor his now-furloughed parents have definitely never paid any taxes.

Floria man says “oh shit” after jumping off stadium roof and becoming abstain on the pavement

A man has died after leaping from the roof of an uncompleted stadium in Northcliff. Speaking to passers by, the man said he was fed up of having his hard-earned money taxed in order to build various sporting venues throughout the country, when many families in the nation still struggle to pay for basics like food and ice hockey sticks.

Realising the error he was about to make, he uttered the famous Florian colloquialism, “oh shit”, before leaping to his death. Sources from local police claim that there was no body recovered, but they did have to wipe up abstain on the pavement. It is unclear whether this is the remains of the man, or some graffiti.

“Shireroth struggling to remain relevant” says leader of one-man nation barely scraping one post every three months

King Michael today launched a scathing attack on MCS stalwarts Shireroth, claiming that they were struggling to remain relevant in today’s modern political climate. King Michael, whose own nation only remains on the map thanks to a ten-week-old post bumping a thread solely containing an almost six month old post, said of Microvision champions Shireroth that “since the break up, they have only posted enough to remain on the map, but have not interacted in any way, shape or form with any other members”.

Shireroth ignored the allegations.