Newspaper not defunct, has been reporting on Discord all along

Despite a whole year without any stories, the Unilaterally Independent newspaper has reassured readers that it still exists.

Although its last headline came 364 days ago, the UI – as it is both commonly and uncommonly known – has claimed that its editors have had loads of ideas for articles in the past year, all of which are located on the paper’s private Discord server.

Although we at the Universally Independent have no information regarding these reports, contacts who wish to remain anonymous have supplied us with a number of examples of the paper’s unpublished headlines:

  • Micronationalist plans next unexpected hiatus before current one ends
  • Mercury halts food production, populace to be sustained entirely on sport
  • Nation dumbfounded by loss of land after submitting removal
  • Vulture Nations close to collapse, online poll decides next scavenger animal mascot
  • Craitman considers leaving MCS, has office boarded-up from outside

The UI has offered no comment at this time.

FNORDs announced, judges fail to give UI what it deserves

The FNORD Awards for 2018 have been announced, with five of the usual categories remaining “not awarded”, and the other categories patently being given to the wrong people.

In the most controversial awarding, the FNORD for Journalism was given to someone we’ve never heard of, who we very much doubt produced anything better than the kind of stuff that earned us 2017’s award.

King Michael, who we are reliably informed by King Michael was on the judging committee, said of the awards, “We can only apologise to the UI whose work was completely overlooked as none of it occurred in the past month and was therefore forgotten by everyone involved”.

Micronationalist running out of excuses, may actually have to start project

A micronationalist is dangerously edging towards having no excuses left to stop him from beginning his much-heralded new project.

King Michael has previously threatened to begin work on his idea for a new something for his nation, but has previously met an endless number of hurdles in his path in doing so.

However, after being painstakingly shown how to do everything by a helpful fellow procrastinator, and having made all relevant updates to software and platforms to allow him to proceed smoothly, he is now looking for any further obstacles.

Upon questioning over Discord, a message reading “Some of the guys at the office are on holiday so I’m hella busy with all this overtime, but I’ll definitely work on it when I’m free next!” was the last verified reply from King Michael, 13.

MCS positive new continent will be unheralded success

In light of last week’s shocking study announcement, the MCS has responded by adding a brand new continent to Micras; the first since 2004’s Cibola.

An MCS spokesperson said of the new continent, to be called Swenekaf, “We thought it made sense to give The Green the land they deserve for all their hard work over these years”.

Swenekaf will be situated in the middle of the Eastern Ocean and, as such, will require the claimsmap of Micras to be extended horizontally and is not expected to receive any criticism. Another MCS spokesperson added, “It’s not like anyone thinks Micras is supposed to be some sort of spherical planet as it is anyway, so it doesn’t matter if this change affects literally everyone’s work with polar projections, oceanic currents, tectonics, climate zones, trading routes, transportation…

Unclaimed land now more active than all nations

A recent study by micronational researchers has discovered that land which has no governing authority is actually more developed and organised than any sovereign states which currently claim on Micras.

“The Green”, as it is affectionately known, was previously thought to range from uninhabited wasteland to uninhabitable wasteland, but is now apparently a thriving hotbed of activity, unlike the nations which claim around it.

The MCS has yet to respond to pressing questions regarding the news, such as how this affects new claims and reduxpansions of existing nations, and whether or not The Green will now be permitted to expand into claimed territory thanks to this activity boost.

Secessionist curiously patriotic

A secessionist micronationalist has professed his unwavering allegiance to the very country he intends to split from.

During a heated discussion regarding the negatives of the American political system, King Michael responded to a prior comment with views including his support for second-amendment rights and an opposition to “Medicare commies exploiting food stamps”.

King Michael’s utopian project, which he claims will be able to declare sustainable independence from the Midwest within two years, is structured to survive as a peaceful welfare state with a thriving, multi-party Westminster parliament.

Officially the top 10 all-time Claimsmap colours, number 7 will SHOCK you

Over the years, nations have come and go on Micras, and with each nation sees a new colour added to the MCS Claimsmap. Here are some of our favourites.

10. Babkhan gold (AKA #ffcb29)  ███

Previously used by: Babkha (obviously)

There’s just something appealing about matching Claimsmap colours up with the theme of the nation being represented, so the desert-themed nation of Babkha using the colour of sand for their territory was an inspired choice.

9. Beige (AKA #efe4b0)  ███

Previously used by: Flanders

Beige gets quite a bad rap, so we’re here to defend it. Usually seen as boring, just like namesake Ned Flanders. Actually, we don’t like it any more. Screw Flanders. Screw Flanders. Screw Flanders. Screw Flanders. Screw Flanders.

8. Whatever colour the Franklin Islands used (AKA #??????)  

Previously used by: We don’t know, we couldn’t see what colour it was

The only nation to ever appear on the map that was so small, you couldn’t even see what colour it’s territory was marked as. Even on the map legend, the colour was shown to be black, but obviously that was not the true colour, otherwise, the Franklins could lay claim to every border and coastline on Micras.

 

7. The green (AKA #009a00)  ███

Currently used by: Nobody

What list of Claimsmap colours would be complete without the most prominent colour of them all (barring the sea). “The green” is used to denote all unclaimed territory on the map, and although some people hate to see it and long for busier days, we like to think that having some The green on the map is a good thing.

6. This hot pink monstrosity (AKA #ff69b2)  ███

Currently used by: Passio-Corum

The saying goes “It takes a real man to wear pink”, which is a good fit here because Passio-Corum is really a man. This nation has proven that the one-man idea can work if executed correctly.

5. New Brittania brown (AKA #804000)  ███

Currently used by: Some kid on Microwiki who thinks it’s funny because it looks like poo

Ok, it is a bit funny, but more in a “someone smeared shit on Keltia and everyone thought it was a country” kind-of way. A few other nations have used similar brown colours since, but they were the original pioneers (if you can call it that).

4. Black (AKA Afrikaanan-Amorian)  ███

Currently used by: Raspur

We’re not sure whether Raspur actually is coloured in black on the map, or if their borders are just so complicated that you can’t see any of the land contained within them. In either case, we think it’s pretty cool.

3. The sea (AKA #009aff)  ███

Currently used by: Sailors

The only colour more prominent than The green, the sea is vital for sustaining life on the planet Micras, so we quite like this colour for that reason. Also, we’d love to see a nation claim using this colour just to confuse the hell out of everyone.

 

2. The sea… wait, hang on (AKA #319cce)  ███

Previously used by: The Principality of Treisenberg

We did some digging, and someone actually did it! Treisenberg gave the impression that Cibola used to have a giant channel through it, especially due to the fact they only claimed one city, on an island separate to the mainland. Well played.

1. Shireroth red (AKA #cb0000)  ███

Currently used by: People who don’t know what colour city labels should be

There’s just something about this red that makes it officially the best colour ever. Maybe it’s because it’s the first one you spot when you open the map, or maybe it’s just because it’s been around for so long. They’ve had such a monopoly on territory for years now, so maybe it’s just Shirekeep Stockholm Syndrome setting in?

Far-flung territory claimed by nation that’s “totally going to do a storyline with it”

A claim is currently under consideration by the MCS Council from the Kingdom of Constancia for a new territory, despite there being absolutely no mention of it on their own forums. The landlocked nation is claiming land over 5,000 miles away on a different continent, stating the reasons for claiming as “we might do something with it, or maybe not. We might not even keep it.”

Despite their compelling arguments, the claim is currently on the brink of being denied, as two Councillors have voted in opposition to it, leading to the Basileusa issuing death warrants to Constancia’s MCS representatives for “thinking it was a good idea in the first place”, which apparently is preferable to reducing the size of the claim.

Walstadters hope 47th name change will stick

A Bill was today introduced in the Natopian Frenzy to rename the territory of Walstadt, proposing a new name of “The Viceroyalty of the Two Martyrs”. Since the southern Cibolan nation was founded in 2013, it has gone through numerous incarnations, such as Kujirashi-Wahlstadt, Kujirashi-Walstadt, Walstadt, Walstadt-Light, Walstadt With No Added Sugar, Walstadt Classic, Wall Street, What’s That?, Wales, Will, Bill and Antidisestablishmentarianism.

The Bill also proposes the gradual renaming of The Walstadt Formerly Known as Principality of Walstadt’s capital city, from Walstadt to the City of Asara Eliana, with a process of changing one letter at a time every four hours being used.

Citizens of Walmart were angry at the suggested name change, with one commenting “Waldo has been Walthamstowe since before I can remember! I was born a Washingtonian and I’ll die a Windhoekois!”